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Coyote On The Trail
Posted May 20th, 2012 By Professor of Motivation - Jacqui Dobens in Life Tools University, Today I've Learned With | No Comments

While hiking at Santa Rosa Plateau I noticed to my left almost camouflaged a coyote. I’ve hiked dozens of times at SRP and recently I’ve begun to see a lot more deer and coyotes. Today I was struck by a thought that actually provided me peace. I know. Peaceful thoughts in the midst of a coyote sighting? Yes. Here’s why.

Those coyotes have ALWAYS been there. Just because I wasn’t vigilant doesn’t mean they weren’t and aren’t there.

The coat on this particular one mimicked the dry brush cream-beige tone.

The peace I began to feel was prompted by a sense of being aware. It was like a fresh perspective. Similar to when you’ve traveled a well worn route to your favorite destination and instead of driving you are being driven. In many instances you witness landmarks and experience sightings that understandably you miss while driving. After all, you’ve got to keep your eyes on the road.

Today I realized the coyotes are there They’ve always been there. Present. Present in the precise way that the people, situation and desired circumstances are waiting on me to be vigilant, watchful, open and fully aware to receive their welcome sightings.

I’m sure you have experienced thinking about a certain person and voila that person materializes. Same thing. Today I learned to be conscious. Be aware. Look for my blessed appointments. Welcome suddenlies. After all, like the coyote walking amidst the brush my blessings are lurking around looking to come upon me and overtake me.

I’m excited to see what will pop up that may have been there the whole time. Woo-hoo!!!

I LOVE that thought!
Happy Mother’s Day Mumay!
Posted May 14th, 2012 By Professor of Motivation - Jacqui Dobens in This is personal With | No Comments

This is the first Mother’s Day when I didn’t make that call first thing in the morning. First time I didn’t hear back the now much cherished, “I love you too babe”. First time I did not go to the Hallmark store to pick out the card and more importantly think of what I wanted to share with her. We have this saying that Hallmark can’t say it all so we always add our little something to each card we give.

Yeah. This is the first time I wished you Happy Mother’s Day in absentia.

I’m finding that there are many things that can be planned for in advance. Lunch dates. Phone calls. Vacations. Meetings. One thing that I mentally planned for could not be emotionally planned. The hollowness of it all. Feeling lost.

Although Mumay had been ill off and on for a season, I realize I wasn’t ready. I’m not beating my self up about it. Simply being honest.

Now, here is what I am able to do today. I’m able to reflect on the dinners and celebrations of past mother’s days. Cooking for her was the best. She was the best guinea pig ever! She always encouraged me to stretch my culinary prowess on her. Reminding me that it’s just Us’s. In other words, this is a safe place to test and try. If it doesn’t turn out okay I simply won’t make that dish again.

Several mother’s day gatherings stick out in my mind. One in which she paid me the best compliment. She said I surpassed her macaroni and cheese. I thought she was joking at first until she asked me specifically what cheeses I used and where I purchased them. She never made hers the same from that day forward. Now, she didn’t use as many cheeses as I do but she increased them quite a bit and it was always yummy.

I will remember forever sitting out on the patio and the 4 o’clock breeze being a welcome relief to the stillness of the heat.

Yes. This is the first time that I didn’t make the trip to Hallmark to pick up her card. However, I don’t believe that I have clung to memories more than ever before.

I love you Mumay and Happy Mother’s Day!

Your loving daughter:~)
The Strongest Woman I Have Ever Known
Posted Dec 8th, 2011 By Professor of Motivation - Jacqui Dobens in Right Word At The Right Time, This is personal With | 1 Comment

Thanksgiving day we walked into the hospital room where almost immediately she turned her head to the left and took total command of the tone of communication.

As was her pattern, matter-of-factly she proceeded to express her wishes. For the first time she shared her exhaustion. Something that I would have never anticipated hearing from the strongest woman I have ever known.

Who is she? Oy! Who was she? First time referring to her in past tense terms. My mom. Or as I affectionately call her, Mumay.

She continued teaching and leading by example to the very end.

Upon exclamations of resistance she continued on in declaring her change of both mind and heart. Then, she said something so profound that it stopped me in my tracks. Sharing that she never saw her self this way. In other words, in this condition. This state. Flat on her back. Basically immobile. Immediately, I felt I have no choice but to release her. Knowing all too well about our individual inner vision, how could I not?

The way in which we see our selves is paramount. The bible even states very clearly that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. She went on to say that she did not see herself becoming as she was before. A proud, strong, self-reliant women full of grace. To be totally honest, meds were sustaining her as her heart continually began to betray her indomitable spirit!

Standing along her bedside looking into the eyes that had shown me love, support, anger, disappointment, strength, laughter, discipline and almost every other emotion known to man throughout the years, I could feel the space she was coming from. With a fixed gaze beaming with pride and admiration of her strength I stood rock solid to her right. Don’t be impressed. My first opportunity I went alone and began to sob. Pulled my self together, came back to her room & began chit chatting about other stuff.

I remember while we were about to leave I turned and looked back at my mom while she waved that all too familiar wave and of course said, I love you too! What a gift that was to me!

While driving home, replaying the experience, snapshots of random memories in which she displayed her unyielding strength flashed through my mind. Almost like a slide show presentation. The more they played, the more her words resonated within.

A flash of her mowing the front lawn with the steep, inclined hill came to mind. The parent-teacher conference in Junior High School when like a mama bear she defended her cub. Baking toll house cookies and blowing on them as I stood impatiently next to the stove. Making sweet potato pies during the holidays or her famous Mumay’s dressing. Also, the countless times overhearing her phone conversations where she enthusiastically recounted the goodness of God. Then there were the many times that she would listen attentively while laughing and shaking her head as I sat next to her sharing one of my many crazy experiences.

Continuing on the 60 freeway my mind wandered to her classic style of dress. Her favorite outfits came to mind. The black, Criscione suit with swaroski crystals studded on the lapel. The carmel colored boots identical to mine that she loved. Her grey pantsuit with the fur trimmed cuffs. Her many Diane Gilman denim outfits. Her crocodile embossed loafers.

Recounting her adventurous side in sampling cuisines from many cultures. She was always up for the challenge!

Then, there was the family reunion in Hugo, Oklahoma where she was surrounded by her family and how much she loved that trip. Connecting. Reconnecting. Watching her emotional tank on full tilt as she spanned the rooms full of people. Her people.

Yes. I could see that these are all accurate snapshots of mumay.

She was absolutely in control until her last verbal exchange.

She said she simply wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

She did exactly that!

To know that her DNA runs through my body gives me added strength! Regardless of whether you have met her, know her, know of her, draw from her strength and empower both your self and others. I can’t think of any better way to honor the strongest woman I have ever known. Can you?

Mixing
In Loving Memory Of Freddie
Posted Nov 9th, 2011 By Professor of Motivation - Jacqui Dobens in Right Word At The Right Time, This is personal With | 1 Comment

Between Steve Jobs, Andy Rooney, Heavy D and many other notables it feels like recently there have been so many losses. I believe there is the same number of losses as any other day, time or season. Funny though, when it is someone that we know or know of it causes us to pause. I paused early Sunday morning.

His name is Freddie. No, he never created a device that millions of people around the world use daily. No, he did not cleverly speak about common items in front of millions of people. No, he did not impact the rap world.

What Freddie did do was color and shape my world. I introduce and share with you, Freddie.

He had coke bottled glasses, looked at least 20 years older than his chronolgical age. Grant it, this is in a 12 year old mind. He wore a pocket protector. Chain smoked. Nothing about him physically would say, “now he’s a winner, a keeper”.

None the less, this man, Freddie was the father I wish had been my father. Not taking any thing away from my dad…. Freddie stood in the gap.

He bought my first car. Paid me allowance and allowed me to double it due to my compelling argument regarding inflation. Funniest part about that is that my sister, Janet had no idea of our “raise” for about a month!

He’s the one I reviewed my report card with. Even when I would get an A, he would tell me I could do better. He’d say, “you’re so smart baby girl, you should be getting G’s.

As we prepare for his memorial service, I hope that I am able to share these stories and more about the man that restored my faith in men.

Was Freddie perfect? Absolutely not. What he was best at was being just great enough that it lessened the pain of my dad no-showing on our scheduled visits. He was just great enough that my heart didn’t become hardened. Just great enough that I felt valued and cherished thus not looking for other men to give me that. Just great enough that I will miss him being in this earth suit sharing space with me.

Freddie was never married to my mom. Heck, I’m not even sure if they dated. My mother wasn’t trying to be my friend and share that with me. As a matter of fact, if I allowed my inquisitiveness to get the better of me she would simply admonish me to stay out of grown folks business. Of which, to this day I quickly comply.

So, do I refer to him as step dad? Dad? Surrogate dad? Real dad? Neither. He is Freddie! He was great enough to be referred to as Freddie.
It took me this long to figure this out? Better now than never! Part 2
Posted Oct 29th, 2011 By Professor of Motivation - Jacqui Dobens in Right Word At The Right Time With | No Comments

In case you missed the first part: http://professorofmotivation.com/it-took-me-this-long-to-figure-this-out-better-now-than-never/

Ok, so let’s continue from yesterday. Remember, I was sharing about my revelation about emotionalizing your words, reaching our subconscious and gaining belief as Napoleon Hill emphasizes in Think and Grow Rich.

As you’ll recall part of my eye opening experience was derived from a conversation I had recently with a guy I’m dating in which I noticed he was thinking considerably more than he was feeling.

Why is it so much easier to recognize things in others more than ourselves?

Specifically, for me I have been asking my self that question. I realize that I have blind spots. This is why I value my Secrets Service Friends. You know, the ones that will take it to the grave!

Back to the emotionalizing of words. Instantly, I began replacing the words thought and think with feel, feeling and felt. You get what I mean, right? It changed everything.

Consider this. When you ask someone a question and they answer with I think so how do you feel about that response? Versus when someone answers with the word I feel (or a derivative) it evokes more of a sense of commitment. They immediately garner active listening. Do they not?

Now, since that is true when asking a question of someone outside of your self how much more true is that when you ask questions of your self?

Let’s toy with a few sacred sayings and you try them on for size and share with me if it feels a little different for you!

As a man feels (thinketh) in his heart, so is he.

Yeah, I came out with both guns on that one. Not being sacrilegious. Simply sharing. Remember, I did ask for latitude.

It is neither good nor bad, but feeling (thinking) makes it so

Reality is the mirror of your feelings (thoughts). Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.

Happy feelings (thoughts) attract happy people into your life.

Convinced?

Resist resisting it.

Initially I felt it can’t be this simple. Why not? Simple is not easy.

Simple is simple. I read somewhere that the simple things confound the wise.

Try it on for size and let me know if you begin to feel a deeper connection toward your innermost desires. You know the ones you may not even tell your Secrets Service Friends.

I’d love to hear your results. Share them with me here, facebook, twitter or email me at: jacqui@professorofmotivation.com
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