Thanksgiving day we walked into the hospital room where almost immediately she turned her head to the left and took total command of the tone of communication.

As was her pattern, matter-of-factly she proceeded to express her wishes. For the first time she shared her exhaustion. Something that I would have never anticipated hearing from the strongest woman I have ever known.

Who is she? Oy! Who was she? First time referring to her in past tense terms. My mom. Or as I affectionately call her, Mumay.

 

 

She continued teaching and leading by example to the very end.

Upon exclamations of resistance she continued on in declaring her change of both mind and heart. Then, she said something so profound that it stopped me in my tracks. Sharing that she never saw her self this way. In other words, in this condition. This state. Flat on her back. Basically immobile. Immediately, I felt I have no choice but to release her. Knowing all too well about our individual inner vision, how could I not?

The way in which we see our selves is paramount. The bible even states very clearly that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. She went on to say that she did not see herself becoming as she was before. A proud, strong, self-reliant women full of grace. To be totally honest, meds were sustaining her as her heart continually began to betray her indomitable spirit!

Standing along her bedside looking into the eyes that had shown me love, support, anger, disappointment, strength, laughter, discipline and almost every other emotion known to man throughout the years, I could feel the space she was coming from. With a fixed gaze beaming with pride and admiration of her strength I stood rock solid to her right. Don’t be impressed. My first opportunity I went alone and began to sob. Pulled my self together, came back to her room & began chit chatting about other stuff.

I remember while we were about to leave I turned and looked back at my mom while she waved that all too familiar wave and of course said, I love you too! What a gift that was to me!

While driving home, replaying the experience, snapshots of random memories in which she displayed her unyielding strength flashed through my mind. Almost like a slide show presentation. The more they played, the more her words resonated within.

A flash of her mowing the front lawn with the steep, inclined hill came to mind. The parent-teacher conference in Junior High School when like a mama bear she defended her cub. Baking toll house cookies and blowing on them as I stood impatiently next to the stove. Making sweet potato pies during the holidays or her famous Mumay’s dressing. Also, the countless times overhearing her phone conversations where she enthusiastically recounted the goodness of God. Then there were the many times that she would listen attentively while laughing and shaking her head as I sat next to her sharing one of my many crazy experiences.

Continuing on the 60 freeway my mind wandered to her classic style of dress. Her favorite outfits came to mind. The black, Criscione suit with swaroski crystals studded on the lapel. The carmel colored boots identical to mine that she loved. Her grey pantsuit with the fur trimmed cuffs. Her many Diane Gilman denim outfits. Her crocodile embossed loafers.

Recounting her adventurous side in sampling cuisines from many cultures. She was always up for the challenge!

Then, there was the family reunion in Hugo, Oklahoma where she was surrounded by her family and how much she loved that trip. Connecting. Reconnecting. Watching her emotional tank on full tilt as she spanned the rooms full of people. Her people.

Yes. I could see that these are all accurate snapshots of mumay.

She was absolutely in control until her last verbal exchange.

She said she simply wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

She did exactly that!

To know that her DNA runs through my body gives me added strength! Regardless of whether you have met her, know her, know of her, draw from her strength and empower both your self and others. I can’t think of any better way to honor the strongest woman I have ever known. Can you?

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